Mindset Nugget: Judging me, judging you

Twice a month I get on a coaching call with a group of accredited fellow coaches and coaches in training. Our mindset coach picks a topic to discuss. This week was about judgement.

I’m curious to know when we use the word judgment what comes to mind for you? What I’ve found is that many people think it has a negative connotation. So we feel that if we judge something, we’re somehow doing something that’s bad. However, I’d like to have a go at dispelling that myth.

What if judgement was neither good nor bad? We judge thing based on prior experience, our upbringing, peer pressure. If I judged myself to be good at something, does that make me ‘bad’? No, of course not. A judgement is simply an opinion so we all have them. They are a necessary for us to navigate this thing called life. Judgements can keep us safe but they can also hinder us. 

When we then judge our judgements as negative, it’s like layering a negative on top of a negative, thus it creates more suffering. The Buddhists have a name for this. They call this the second arrow of suffering. You can watch the following short video which explains it very well:

Maybe if we could simply let go of our attachments to judgements, or get curious about where they come from that may lead to more open mindedness.

If you’re up for playing, try this for a week and let me know your findings. Notice when you find yourself judging yourself (whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’) and when you judge others (whether you judge it to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Then ask yourself, where did this thought originate from? Is it yours or did you learn it from someone else?

Sometimes it takes a while for this idea to land, simply sit with it and see where it takes you.